Love is the Answer

"Love is patient and kind. Love knows neither envy nor jealousy. Love is not forward and self-assertive, nor boastful and conceited."  St Paul,  1^stCorinthians 13:4

Sunday before last, Susan Russel, one of our priests at All Saints, delivered a sermon on “What is most simple is the most difficult.” Meaning Jesus’s message is very simple, but not easy for us humans to consistently practice: Love one another as I have loved you and love your neighbor as yourself.

One problem being that many of us don’t feel loved and don’t feel loving towards ourselves. So love of Self and allowing God to love us is actually one of the foundational spiritual practices. If we know that we often experience shame, guilt, depression, self rejection, and chronic fear, then the practice of Self Love would be highly beneficial for our souls.

Whenever one of these negative feelings arises within our consciousness, it would be good to go directly into Self Loving. We can do this by placing our hands over the places in our body where we feel these emotions, often the heart space and the gut. And as we connect to these hurting places in our body we send loving to them. This is simple spiritual first aide that is so simple, straight forward and provides great consolation and healing.

WWW.SPIRITTHERAPIST.COM 

SOUL WORK FOR SOUL TENDERS

SOUL WORK FOR SOUL TENDERS

 Have you longed for a small group where you could keep learning new ways to serve others as you continue your own spiritual and psychologically development? Do you wish you had a group of fellow practitioners with whom you could be totally real and work on your own personal growth with their support? Have you dreamed of the possibility of integrating spirituality with your professional healing work? Well, wait no longer! This is the future of our fields; come join us!

 Soul Work is accomplished in small groups. We gather together from many schools of healing and faith traditions to engage in deep spiritual practices such as Contemplation, Lectio Divina, Forgiveness, Loving Kindness Meditation, Enneagram Work and a combination of psychological processes such as Gestalt, Inquiry, Somatic Processing, Emotional Freedom Technique, etc. 

 ABOUT THE LEADERS:

 Robert Cornell, Counselor & Spiritual Director is a former Zen Buddhist monk and has practiced and taught Buddhist and Christian meditation techniques for over forty-five years. He has a Masters degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica and is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. His particular passion has been to create small groups that engage in Integral Practice.

 Anthony Glenn Miller, Servant & Soul Friend is an Episcopal Priest in the Diocese of Los Angeles with over 20 years of experience in parish ministry. Anthony holds degrees from General Theological Seminary (M.Div.), Yale Divinity School (S.T.M.), and Harvard University (Ed.M.).  Anthony has a passion for ministering to people on the margins as well as those looking to live a heart-centered life.

 FOR FURTHER INFORMATION OR TO CONTACT US: www.robertbcornellspirit@gmail.com           Phone: 626-398-5581.

PRACTICING THE ISNESS OF THINGS

As I write this, I am experiencing a bad cold: sinus congestion, copious sneezing, sore throat, and an achy feeling running through my body. In practicing being with it, as it is, my sneezing subsides, and I am aware of the achiness from a non -judgmental, non resisting place. Interestingly enough, from this place, the ache doesn’t seem “bad. ” Yes, it has a certain intensity, but the achy feeling has no hard edge produced  by resistance to it. I could say from this vantage point I am not suffering - meaning I’m not adding any judgment or resistance to the normal experience of having a cold.

 When we are experiencing something painful, it is so common for us to complain, judge the experience as bad and to resist experiencing it by tensing up our body and trying to distract ourselves. Some of this is innocent enough: we watch TV, we listen to music, etc. so as to not be so aware of what we are feeing. And other attempts are more likely to do us harm - when we take heavy doses of pain killers or anti anxiety medications to not feel the pain or anxiety. In the long run, heavy medication and avoidance do not let us befriend our experience just as it is.

 I don’t mean that we should be masochists and not take medication when it is too much to bear. It’s learning to befriend our pain when it comes to us as it inevitably will as long as we have a body. It’s learning to tolerate the shaky, vulnerable feeling of being present with our experience in the moment, just as it is. If we are control freaks in some way, this is what we strive at all costs to avoid. So letting go means letting be – it’s as simple as that. Simple but not necessarily easy!

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WHAT IS THE BEST MEDITATION PRACTICE FOR ME?

Because we are different people with different personalities, different issues, and different strengths the spiritual practices that will work best for us will be different as well. That is why I do not teach one style of meditation practice. Now that makes it hard for some people because they want someone to just tell them,” Here do it this way. This is the best way to meditate.” So that may relieve you from some uncertainty initially; the problem being that later on, you may find that another style of meditation works better for you and you have spent a lot of time struggling with a type of mediation practice that you find frustrating and which may cause you to give up.

 I like to encourage newcomers right off the bat to try on different practices to find the one that fits them best. Some practices such as mindfulness are very helpful for developing a somewhat detached observer awareness that can see more clearly past the waves of emotion / thought. Other meditation practices such as Zen plunge the practitioner directly into the experience of formlessness. Still others like Christian contemplation bring you to a centering in the heart space.

 All of these practices have their strengths and their weaknesses. What they have in common is a stilling and taming of our scattered and distracted monkey minds which keep us from seeing deeply into the nature of Life and Reality.still 

OPENING THE TREASURE BOX

Within each one of us there is a treasure box full of the bliss bestowing jewels of paradise. But we don’t want to open this box. Why?  As one of my teachers, Charlotte Joko Beck said we live in the “if onlys”  If only I had  _____ , I would be happy. If only my spouse would love me, if only I had a better job, etc, etc. We keep looking outside of ourselves for something only we (or God) can give us.  But the treasure box doesn’t lie outside of us. That is the mistake we continually make.

Each day I work with my therapy clients to help them open their treasure boxes which lie deep within them right down amongst their pain.  Of course, being with these difficult feelings is exactly what we don’t want to do. But that is exactly where our treasure boxes often lie: right in the midst of our anger, sadness, longing, hurt, and loneliness.  And we open them with radical acceptance and loving awareness. These are the keys to our treasure boxes and with them we gradually open our hearts as wide as the world with all its joys and sorrows. Our open hearts ARE the treasure box! 

WWW.SPIRITTHERAPIST.COM

Free Sunday Evening Mindfulness Meditation in Pasadena 6-7:30PM

Dear friends and colleagues,

I am now doing a regular free Sunday evening mindfulness meditation offering at East Village Yoga in NE Pasadena at East Village Yoga Pasadena 

1720 E. Washington Blvd. Suite 204  Pasadena, ca 91104. This occurs every third Sunday from 6-7:30PM. There is plenty of parking in the rear of the building off Sinaloa Ave. 

I am concentrating on somatic connection (body awareness) right now as this is critical for our physical, mental, and spiritual healing and growth. Below is a description of the class for this Sunday. Please drop in and check it out. Also, Jenny Buchanan who runs the yoga studio is a personal long time friend and colleague.

More info: robertbcornellspirit@gmail.com

Best Wishes, Robert Cornell LMFT

SPIRITUAL  FIRST AID

 There is a wonderful way to stay centered  and connected with our inner divinity even when we are upset. When we are triggered into some difficult emotion, we are tempted to pull back from our experience, to try to avoid or to control our emotion. This puts us into conflict with our experience and often makes our suffering worse. And it does not to lead to healing.

 When we encounter a difficult emotion, one excellent way to engage with and heal it is to put one of our hands on our heart space and the other on our belly. Our hands have the most nerve endings of any part of our body. When we put our hands on our heart and gut, we are connecting directly with our bodily experience. And by doing so it is if to say to our vulnerable hurting selves, “ I am here for you.”

 This practice of loving presence brings healing to our inner hurting selves. This practice can be one of the most effective and loving things we can do for ourselves.As we do this practice we are re connecting  with ourselves. And this connection is the healing.

 WWW.SPIRITTHERAPIST.COM

WORKING WITH OUR ANGER

 Very often when someone triggers our anger, there is a strong impulse for us to say something hurtful or spiteful in return. This is practically a reflex action and if we do this, we are acting on automatic pilot. It might feel good at first, letting it all hang out, telling them what we think of them, but often we regret it later for the damage it causes to our relationship with the other person.

 What would be the alternative? We work with our anger like any other challenging emotion. First we hold it  compassionately in our awareness (not suppressing it), watching for and refraining  from any impulses to act out. This is one of the reasons why some kind of contemplative practice is so valuable for daily living. Mindfulness practice in particular gives us the ability to have this perspective on our strong emotions.

 It is important that we not judge ourselves or blame others for our anger. Instead when we are away from the triggering event we can start to inquire as to what the anger is about.

 We can listen compassionately to our inner dialogue of anger and ask ourselves: does it seem familiar, like an old story we have experienced over and over? Does it require us to do something that might be different than the way we have usually reacted before? Gradually as we work with our anger the patterns and meaning becomes clearer to us and we can act with more intelligence.

THE UPSIDE OF ANGER

Anger is often seen in spiritual practice as undesirable and to be let go of as soon as possible. And in a general sense it’s true; we  have all seen people who hold onto their grievances and resentments and carry them around like valuable possessions, bringing toxicity into their own lives as well as those around them. However, while it’s good general advice to release our anger quickly, it does not always help us in the nitty gritty of our own daily lives.

 Anger is a signal like any other emotion. Often anger signifies that an important personal boundary has been crossed and we need to listen carefully to the message contained in the angry emotion to discern what is to be done. And it might mean an old hurt has  surfaced that needs further healing. So it is important that we investigate what our anger is about before we either attempt to let it go or act in some way to defend ourselves. 

 Often there is an intermingling of a past hurt and a current situation that we are facing. For example we have a difficult relationship with a boss at work that lines up with old issues with a parent. This takes particular care to sort out as to what part of the situation may be our own issue and what part we have a legitimate cause for wanting to confront the other person, while not acting out and undermining our position.

HOW DO WE MEDITATE?

There are two basic paths in meditation practice: one is about detachment from thought and emotion and is typified by Buddhist meditation practices to develop insight into the empty nature of reality ( more about what emptiness means another time. ) And then there is the heart centered meditation practiced by mystical Christianity and Sufism.

 In my own practice I lean more and more to heart centered meditation and I am going to be teaching more about that in our group. In heart centered meditation, you bring your awareness to your heart center and let yourself open to the source of loving which Christians and other theistic faiths call “God.”  When we bring our consciousness to the heart, we feel deeply connected to our very selves and deeply connected to others and the world around us. 

EFFORTLESS EFFORT

"Don’t just do something, sit there!"

 One of the things we learn to do in meditation is to “just sit there.” In Japanese Zen, they call this Shikan Taza – just sitting. To our Western culture this seems to be tantamount to just sitting on your butt, doing nothing – a highly dubious activity - seen as lazy and unproductive even self centered navel gazing. But something happens when we “just sit.” Our awareness begins to open up, we begin to pull back from our impulses, our feelings and our stories about ourselves and the world and to be able to see what is going on both inside of us and outside of us with new clarity. We are less and less run by our original programming. We experience increased freedom and clarity and we bang into other people less often because we are not so wrapped up in the fog of our own preoccupations.

 One way that we can help this process along is to notice when we begin to effort in our sitting. By this I mean any effort to bat a thought or feeling away rather than to just see it and let it go. Or a stiffening of the body as we resist some experience we are having. Or the thoughts that seem to have a life of their own which we either get entranced with or start to fight. All of this puts us back in the realm of doing and fixing and unneeded suffering.

 I used to be a champion efforter. I didn’t know how to do any kind of concentrative activity without tensing up my shoulders and pursing my mouth. Yoga has been such a good additional practice for me because it works with the body and releasing tension in it.When you adopt a pose in yoga the instructor will often remind you to release your jaw, your shoulders, etc. Ooops! As I was writing this I noticed I was tensing up my shoulders!  But I noticed. And that is what it takes. Patient moment by moment noticing and letting go. This is what meditation is: no big deal, no big plans for great enlightenment. Just moment after moment being with what is rather than resisting what we fear and hanging on to what we want.

AWAKENING FROM THE TRANCE

 It is common for us to be triggered by outer circumstances into one of our old ways of being in the world. We can frame these ways of being in the world as our subpersonalities – parts of ourselves that may become dominant at times. In my last message, I listed a few of these subpersonalities that we can become over-identified with: the Inner Critic, the Judge, the People Pleaser, etc.

 The issue for integral psycho-spiritual practice is, how can we free ourselves from the trance of over-identification with our subpersonalities when our consciousness becomes hijacked by one? This depends on the specific subpersonality that we are dealing with, but in general, there are some practices that help. The key one is the ongoing practice of mindfulness: developing through ongoing practice the mirror awareness that allows us to step back from and become less identified with our thoughts and emotions. As I shared with the group last time, it can be very helpful to be able to sense and identify these complexes or subpersonalities when they surface.

 As a specific example, I will share about the “Pusher,” one of my subpersonalities. The Pusher complex shows up when I am doing something where I am afraid that another person is going to be displeased with my performance. When this happens, I tend to go into hyperdrive and try to make something happen ASAP!  Underneath is the fear of displeasing, but sometimes I lose touch with this and go into efforting and worrying accompanied by a diffuse anxiety.

 The way that I  free myself  is by: 1) catching myself going into this hyperdrive and 2) consciously pulling back, slowing down, 3) allowing myself to feel the anxiety and 4) giving myself  love and compassion. 5) I gradually undermine the core belief that I am in trouble. 6) I meditate to let go of the thought/emotion/energy pattern that is this Pusher complex. Also, 7) I find Yoga practice a great boon to my being able to let down and relax from the grip of anxiety and inner tension that is the signature energetic pattern of the Pusher. So I use somatic (body) awareness, breath, cognitive, emotional and spiritual processes to become aware of, work through, and release the Pusher complex, when it threatens to take over my consciousness.

 As we discussed in group, the subpersonalities to watch out for are the ones that are fear based. That means they are triggered by the emotion of fear and fear based thinking, worry, etc. What are the fear based subpersonalities that operate in your consciousness? Try listing some and getting to know them better. You might very well gain some freedom by doing this work! Here are some of the cast of characters to be on the lookout for that are usually fear based: the Perfectionist, Inner Critic, Pusher, Workaholic, Rageaholic, People Pleaser, Control Freak, Rescuer, Worry Wart, Planner, Avoiders of all kinds, including the Procrastinator, etc.

 Namaste, Robert Cornell LMFT,  www.spirittherapist.com